The Spirit Brigade
by jooce
Summary: PostBook3. When a masked rebel force threatens the peace of the Four Nations, it's up to our heroes to save the world. Too bad Sokka and Katara have been kidnapped, and chaos is about to rain down upon the unsuspecting gang. Crack-ish.
1. Masks and Kidnaps

This is...I'm not quite sure really. A parody of anything that comes into my brain. Though if anyone has any suggestions those would be appreciated. :) Hope the inspiration keeps coming!

I own nothing Avatar related. Cameron, Airbender, or otherwise.

* * *

"Man, this will be the first time we'll all be together in over a year!" Katara exclaimed to her brother and his girlfriend as they were walking through Ba Sing Se.

"Meh, I don't see why we always have to meet at the tea shop though. Why doesn't anyone ever come visit the Southern Tribe? It's not even that cold anymore with global warming and stuff!" Sokka complained, stretching his arms.

The trio were walking briskly down a less inhabited area of the city, relishing the bright sun beating on their backs after a long and crowded ferry ride. ("I'd take the Serpent's Pass any day," Suki commented.) They had almost forgotten the feel of Earth Kingdom boats, more like a boulder shoving violently through water rather than a streamlined Water Tribe ship.

The Kyoshi warrior only made a small laugh as they passed by a couple of empty stalls, some containing radishes and others containing opera masks. "Well, Iroh's tea is definitely more welcoming than your stewed sea prunes."

"Hey!" the Water Tribe siblings voiced in unison. Just as they were about to spout how amazingly delicious and squishy and tender and succulent their self-caught sea veggies were, a group of shadows descended over them, landing squarely on the dirt path, encircling the teens.

"Katara and Sokka of the Water Tribe, and Suki of the Kyoshi Warriors," said one of the shadows, dressed in only black with a bright yellow mask set against his face.

"And who are you guys?" Katara addressed suspiciously, instinctively going into a waterbending stance. But another one of the figures, this one in a green mask, quickly grabbed her wrists and bound them with rope.

"Hey—!" Sokka withdrew his boomerang, but not fast enough; a red mask dodged elegantly underneath his slash, tripped the man, and proceeded to bind him as well.

Suki swiftly lept back before any of the figures could make a grab for her. She snapped out a golden fan tucked in her belt and jumped forward. Dodging underneath one man's sword and blocking another man's spear, she spun and jabbed at two jugulars, sending two of the masked figures to the ground. But Suki was outnumbered; they overpowered her and threw her next to their line of bodies.

"What do you guys want?" Suki shouted vehemently, wriggling against her binds.

"We…" a shadow came forward as the rest parted into opposite lines, "Are the Spirit Brigade!" The man the trio correctly guessed as the leader because of his multi-colored mask swung his arm into the air, pointing passionately at the sun that bathed him in a halo of light. The rest of the group arranged themselves in the order of the rainbow and adapted similar vigorous poses, accenting the leader.

The masked attackers held their positions for a couple of seconds before Sokka broke the silence: "Oh, so you guys basically work with the Blue Spirit."

The leader jumped out of his trance and lashed back, "No! Not the Blue Spirit! We are…"

This time the whole band shouted, "the Spirit Brigade!"

A small cough was made off-camera but everyone heard it.

"Um…sorry, never heard of you guys." Katara looked at them dubiously.

"That's because we're a brand-new, new-and-improved, can't-believe-it's-not-butter rebel force, THE SPIRIT BRIGADE!" The leader thought that the third time would be the charm, but he was met with badly suppressed snickers.

"Quiet you peace-loving fools!" shouted a purple mask, stepping out of the line to address the youngsters. "The Blue Spirit's opera mask has always been a symbol of defiance and radicalism. In times of war, he fought for the Avatar and for peace. And now that there is peace, we're going to topple this meek government to the ground and return the Fire Nation to its formal glory, led by the genius Lee Min—!"

Her fiery speech was quickly shut down by Lee Min, who slapped her upside the head. "How many times do I have to tell you, don't give out my real name, you lemur-brain!" The purple mask apologized profusely and retreated back to her place in line, sniffling. "Now, we all know that you three are good friends with the Fire Lord—"

"—um not really," Sokka interjected, "He always tells me how he'll roast me alive if I make one more joke, which by the way, are actually pretty funny but he's got a koala-otter shoved too far up his—" He yelped as one of the figures jabbed him in the belly. Suki did her best to face-palm with her palms tied up.

"So we are going to kidnap you three in order to draw him out. There's no way we can take him down now with the Dragon of the West and the Avatar in one place."

"Just you wait," Katara bit out, "when I get out of these bonds I'm going to freeze you all to a ceiling, and when Aang finds you, he will _Avatar-state you so hard that your children will feel the spirits before they've even been conceived—_" The yellow-mask whipped out a rag and quickly gagged the Water Tribe native, making her only weapons the daggers piercing out of her eyes.

"Does she always get this feisty?" Lee Min asked the other two, and they gave him looks saying _you have no idea_.

"Leader," an orange-mask called out, "do we really need to bring all of them? They look kind of heavy."

"Hey! It's all muscle weight! I have a BMI of 21!" Suki responded, affronted.

The Leader ignored her as he rubbed his plastic mask-mustache, mulling over his subordinate's point. "Hmm, that is true. Having so many hostages will only slow us down. And one is as good as three." He put his arms on his waist in a manner showing that he made a decision and that all should marvel at it and said, "Alright we'll take the woman who doesn't talk as much!"

"Wait no, don't you dare touch Suki!" Sokka tried to bite the kidnapper who was grabbing Suki but ended up rolling over into an awkward position, his body bent like a lizard-worm.

"Mmf, mmf!" the waterbender let out as loudly as she could, trying to hop back onto her feet from her prone position.

"Hey, let's think about this for a second. I've already been kidnapped already, _and_ I ended up managing to escape from the Boiling Rock. The others won't think too much of me being taken again because they know I have a penchant for becoming more badass out of nowhere and will kick all of your butts into the desert."

Sokka looked like he was about to mention how _he _was the one who came up with the way out of the volcanic island, but he had been jabbed in soft places enough times that afternoon.

"That's true, I remember during guard duty over there I saw her leap, like 50 feet into the air and, like, kick a man triple her size into the wall," threw in the orange-mask in support.

The Leader nodded in agreement. "Alright, we'll take the male then." The largest of the group picked up Sokka and tossed him over his shoulder like a sleeping bag, leaving an apologetic Suki giving her boyfriend a _I know you've put on makeup and fought in a dress before so I know you'll be okay_ look. A flash of fear glinted across Katara's eyes as she watched her brother get hauled way, but it was quickly replaced by surprise as she felt someone grab her by her hood.

"Yah, might as well take the angry one to sell later. We could probably fetch a large amount for her on the slave market. She looks like the type," the leader stated.

"And the last one?" one of the figures asked.

"Hmm, I guess just hit her over the head. Hopefully she'll get amnesia and will forget my name. You know how random that illness is. And it'll show the Fire Lord that we're serious." Nobody could see behind the pink-and-lime-green mask, but everybody could tell that the Leader was making a very serious look at the moment.

The white-mask nodded. He picked up a nearby Earth-Kingdom-approved stone and clobbered Suki over the head with it. The woman struggled to keep her eyes open as her vision swam. The figures of Katara and Sokka began to blur as the Spirit Brigade melted into the shadows. Then, everything went dark.

* * *

I read somewhere that kidnapped-Katara-turned-slave is a very popular plot? Not too sure what I'll do with that yet but I'm working on it. :)

Comments, critiques, whatever's on your mind is always loved!


	2. Pai Sho and Beggars

First time I updated this fast. I love breaks.

Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Remember, I own nothing, it's all Nickolodean.

* * *

"Well…this is very terrible, a very terrible situation," Iroh mused, his eyes crinkling in deep concentration. "How to get out of this mess…"

Toph was seated next to her favorite old uncle, her arms crossed and face covered in apprehension. "Just have to think this through," she advised, but it was clear the young earthbender was worried as well.

Zuko walked into the front of the teashop, cutting through the thick air with a tray of steaming hot jasmine tea. He looked remarkably calm compared to the other two, placing the tray on the table next to them with grace. He rolled up the long sleeves of his loose Earth Kingdom robes and stated, "Just doing nothing isn't going to help! You have to take decisive action!"

"Like how you decisively acted, throwing that lifeguard into Ty Lee's sand sculpture when you thought he was an assassin, even though he only thought you were drowning and was trying to save your life?" Aang laughed, his loud voice echoing throughout the building. He had not a shred of worry on his face, looking almost gleeful.

"Argh why does everyone have to keep mentioning that? Fire Lords don't need lifeguards. And Fire Lords can't drown!"

"I'm pretty sure Fire Lord Daizo drowned after deciding to skinny-dip at Ember Island in the middle of the night," the blind girl mentioned keenly.

"It was a frog-piranha attack," the Fire Lord defended.

"No, nephew, it was definitely skinny dipping." The retired general rubbed his long beard for what seemed like forever when his eyes lit up like elephant-koi scales in the sun. "Aha, I got you now Avatar!" He swiftly picked up his white lotus Pai Sho, and with a gallant movement of his arm, moved it two spaces forward next to Aang's lily tile. He then sat back against his chair and looked smugly back at the boy, relishing his comeback.

The four were enjoying the calm afternoon, waiting for their other friends to arrive. Ty Lee and Mai had taken a field trip with the Kyoshi Warriors and wouldn't be around until…well until Ty Lee's whims were satisfied.

Aang was sitting cross-legged on his stool, his orange robes enveloping his knees. He leaned forward and scrutinized the well-worn Pai Sho board before taking a deep breath and blowing his snapdragon piece across the board to the left of Iroh's tile. "Haha, I win!"

"Whaat!" Iroh jumped up and stared at the board in bewilderment.

"How could you fail me like this, old man?" Toph cried out. "If you can't beat this kid how do you plan on winning the Annual Ba Sing Se Pai Sho Tournament and the gold prize this week!"

"But he's the Avatar!" the tea-lover responded, still trying to figure out what went wrong in his plans.

"And I am over 114 years old," Aang boasted. "I'm at the level of an airbending master."

Zuko just sighed at their antics, trying to remain the only sane person in the room. "Uncle, maybe you need a little break. You've been playing for 4 straight hours already."

"No!" He swept his wrinkled hand over the board, clearing off the pieces. "I want a rematch!"

Toph pumped a fist into the air. "That's the spirit!" Her eyes were sparkling with the thought of gold pieces in her head.

"If you want to get beaten again," Aang grinned. He let Momo hop out of his robes and set up the tiles, quickly grabbing at all the pieces with his four furry fingers.

The Fire Lord tried a different tactic instead. "Katara, Sokka, and Suki are late. Where could they be?" He lashed out in annoyance.

"Eh, they're probably out shopping or something," the only girl in the room said, waving her hand.

Iroh took a long sip of tea as Momo was finishing up. "I hear there is a sale over at the Mole-Whisker Bag Emporium. They make the most exquisite knapsacks."

"Fine, since it seems I'm the only one in this room who isn't obsessed with some stupid board game, I'll go out and look for them." Zuko got up and took off his apron, laying it folded neatly on the table. He gave a look at the threesome, but they paid him no heed. Finally leaving the Pai Sho nerds behind, Zuko exited the shop and out onto the busy street.

Although they had closed the Jasmine Dragon in anticipation for the arrival of their friends, the rest of Ba Sing Se was still alive and buzzing. The market outside of their teashop was crowded, but Zuko easily wove in and out between the shoppers, relishing the movement. Although he said all those things in the teashop, he honestly had no idea where to look for the Water Tribemen and Suki. He only ever came out to replace a chair from a teashop fight or purchase new dishware. Thinking he had to start somewhere, Zuko headed towards the Mole-Feet, Mole-Toe, Mole-Whatever Bag Emporium.

The firebender, eager to get out of the crowd, decided to take a shortcut through a seedier part of Upper Ba Sing Se. He passed by several vendors that called out their wares, trying to out-shout each other.

"Get your super, super hot guaranteed tongue-busting fire flakes!"

"We've got the freshest buzzard wasp talons, only here!"

"Two for four silver coins only! Only four coins!"

"Get your bootleg Legend of Korra DVDs! Just came in!"

Ignoring all of the hubbub, Zuko made his way through the street. He only slowed down when he noticed the small form of a slumped beggar leaning against a stone wall, a large bamboo hat obscuring his face. His lifeless aura reminded Zuko of his days on the run with his uncle, and he made an uncharacteristic act of philanthropy by reaching into his robe to get some coins. Stooping in front of the man, who was propped up on a mat like a doll, Zuko dropped some coins into his bowl. "You may be living as a beggar today," the Fire Lord said, "but with hard work, your life will definitely look up."

The man said nothing, remaining unmoved under Zuko's gaze.

"I'm trying to help you in life," the fierce firebender attempted to clarify. But he elicited no response from the beggar.

"Hey, you could at least thank me for being charitable!" he yelled, nostrils flaring. But on closer inspection of the figure, Zuko realized that the man was no man, but a woman.

"…Suki?" A moment of panic washed over Zuko when he realized he just got into the face of one of the most skilled fighters on the planet, also one of his friends, before he noticed a trickle of blood descending down her unmake-upped face. Gingerly, he removed the bamboo hat, revealing Suki's head-wound, the dark red blood clotting into a lump.

"Oh spirits…"

Zuko instantly assessed that her injury was serious and quickly grabbed the warrior, placing her on his back. Standing slightly hunched over now, he ran like a pygmy-puma back towards the teashop.

* * *

"Uncle, set up a cot!" The firebender burst back into the teashop, his voice consumed by urgency. He carefully unloaded Suki and placed her upright on one of the clean tables.

"Whoa, what happened?" Toph asked, listening to Zuko's elevated heartbeat.

"I'm not too sure, but Suki's been attacked."

Iroh hastily got up from his Pai Sho game and headed towards the back room, where he acquired a mat and a soft koala-sheep-wool blanket. Zuko lifted her body up and Iroh smoothed the mat out on the table, providing a makeshift bed for the lady. "Head injuries are never good."

Aang grabbed a bucket of water from the corner and used it to clean out her wound. After wrapping it in some bandages Zuko brought over, the Avatar froze some clean water into cubes and made an ice pack with a rag.

"At least her life isn't endangered," the earthbender said, listening to her soft but steady pulse. "Who do you think did this to her?"

"Well we can find out." The old man walked back towards the storage room, where the teenagers could here the shuffling of boxes and clinks of pots. He returned with his fist full of emerald-colored leaves, spiky at the sides, and a small teacup filled with water. "Hartshorn leaves. Odorless plants, unless placed in boiling water." Iroh held the teacup firmly, and sparks began to shoot out of the tips of his fingers as his curled palm heated the porcelain. When the water was brought to a boil, he blew on it a couple of times before placing the leaves into the liquid.

The elder set the cup on a nearby table so Aang could release a strong stream of air over the tea, right into Toph's face.

"Did you have to do that?" she griped, wrinkling her nose at the pungent odor.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly.

With the tea sufficiently cooled, Iroh took the cup and went to prop up Suki's back. He placed the cup on her mouth and tilted it back, along with her head. They could all hear the gulp of her throat, followed by a loud spurt as Suki miraculously regained consciousness and spit the tea all over Iroh's sleeve.

"Splurgh!"

"That was such a waste of good tea!" Iroh exclaimed, looking at the remaining dregs sliding down his silk coat with sadness.

"Na ge ca bu hao! Na shi se me?" Suki blurted out, looking around bewildered.

"Um Zuko, are you sure you brought back the right Suki?" Aang looked at the person who was now yelling out things in an unknown language with uncertainty.

"Oh it's definitely her, alright." Toph assured, listening to the swish of Suki's hair as she twisted back and forth, confused. "I've heard crazy stories about people with head wounds. Some wake up thinking they're armadillo lions, or even cabbage slugs. And they're like that for the rest of their lives."

"Great way to lighten the mood," Zuko remarked. "If it's just a brain injury, maybe another knock on the head will set her straight." He proceeded to thwack Suki on the forehead with a balled fist.

"Wait nephew, the head is a complicated and delicate instrument!" Iroh tried to stop him, but Suki was already knocked back onto the bed.

She groaned as she picked herself back up. Rubbing her head, Suki mumbled, "Where am I?"

"And mysterious," Iroh noted with appreciative surprise.

"How're you feeling Suki?" Aang leaned closer to his friend with an anxious frown.

"Suki?" Said person blinked a couple of times to adjust to the light. "Who the heck's Suki? As Divine Ruler of the Four Nations, Orion's Belt, and parts of Indonesia, I demand to know what I am doing here!"

They all stared at each other for a couple of seconds.

"Okay…second time's the charm." Toph kicked up a small rock and sent it hurtling, this time, towards the side of her head. Suki's eyes rolled back and she plopped back down on the mat, with the stone falling innocently onto the tiled floor.

"Maybe we should get a doctor…" Aang suggested.

"Wait she's coming to." Zuko and the rest of them held their breaths as Suki slowly got up again, groaning from her third head injury.

"Ugh, why does my head feel like it got hit by a rock and the fist of a firebender?"

Toph and Zuko discretely stepped back, with their two seniors looking at them disapprovingly.

"Suki, are you okay?" the Avatar questioned again.

"My head is apparently bleeding," she answered, looking at her hand, "and it feels like a boar-q-pine went on a rampage through all the corners of my skull. Oh, and I have the smell of something _atrocious_ in my nasal passageways."

"Good point," the boy replied, and he saw Iroh take a step back as well. Discretely of course. "What happened?"

"What do you mean? I got clocked in the head." Suki squeezed her eyes shut at the onset of an imminent migraine.

Zuko coughed. "What he means is, I found you abandoned on the street in Ba Sing Se. What happened before all of that? Where's Sokka and Katara?"

"Wait a second, I'm in Ba Sing Se? Last time I was awake, I was at the Southern Water Tribe."

"Need me to do some rock-rolling again?" Toph offered, stretching her bare toes.

"No need," Iroh cut in rapidly. He gestured toward the injured lady to continue speaking.

"Well what I last remember was helping to pack for our departure to meet you guys. I was telling Sokka how we couldn't bring five crates of seal jerky on the ship and—"

"Okay, so basically you're just missing your memories of your attacker and everything about their disappearance." Zuko summarized.

"Yah, pretty much."

Aang visibly blanched. "I hope Katara's alright."

"And Sokka," Toph added, jabbing her friend in the stomach.

"I'm sorry, I really wish I could remember more."

"It is not your fault," Iroh assured her. "For all we know, Katara and Sokka may have just decided to go separate ways to buy tote bags while you went to buy some make-up, and you could have just fallen asleep at the side of the road."

"That still doesn't explain the big bloody wound on her head," Zuko pointed out.

"Oh yah…" The old man tilted his head and stared into space, thinking hard.

"I just love how this memory loss conveniently wipes out any clues about the whole situation," Toph huffed.

"Amnesia is a funny and complicated medical condition," Iroh said sagely.

"Well it won't be so funny when it meets my earthbending—"

"No, Toph." Aang chided, placing a hand on her uplifted arm. "We can't risk Suki getting any more brain damage from us—"

"—you guys? But I thought—"

"—so we should focus on helping Suki get better, and then see what we can find out from there."

Toph turned to the oddly wise boy, squared her chin, but nodded all the same. "Spoken like a true Avatar, twinkle-toes."

"He's right. The first thing we'll do is bring you to a doctor—" Zuko cut himself off when he noticed a messenger dragon hawk had landed in the middle of an open window. It stared at them with dark beady eyes.

"What is a Fire Nation hawk doing all the way here?" Iroh wondered as he stretched out his hand, letting the bird hop onto his sleeve.

"You don't think it has anything to do with Katara's and Sokka's disappearance do you?" Aang asked.

"There's no way that big of a coincidence could occur," Zuko retorted, but he was curious as well.

Iroh popped out a piece of scrolled of paper from the tube, and the bird, satisfied with a mission well done, fluttered over to a table and sipped some fresh tea.

He brought it over to where Suki was sitting, and everybody (even Toph) crowded around him, peering down intently at the paper. Iroh delicately held the edge and slowly, with everybody watching, unfurled the small sheet, revealing whatever hidden message it could reveal.

"…huh?"

The parchment showed the intricate painting of an opera mask, its multi-colored face and upturned mustache glaring menacingly back at the people surrounding it.

"Well, what is it?" the blind girl asked impatiently.

"An opera advertisement, maybe?"

"No, I've seen all the operas around here and none of them use that in their posters." Iroh rubbed his mustache. "I'm still waiting on the new installments of Winter Sonata and Hana Yori Dango."

"Is this your idea of a joke, Zuko?" Suki looked at him quizzically.

"Hey, I threw out my mask a long time ago. And that doesn't even look like mine! These eyebrows are two centimeters longer than what was on my mask!"

"What eyebrows?" The earthbender placed her hands on her hips.

"Then what is this?" Aang took the scroll and held it up at different angles, hoping to be enlightened.

"That's what _I've_ been asking."

Iroh placed a placating hand on Toph's shoulder. "I believe I have heard of something like that before." He took it back from Aang and stared at it contemplatively. "Some of the guards who come in here occasionally pass around rumors about a new rebel group, one whose members all wear opera masks."

"Rebels?" The Fire Lord looked shocked. "Then how come I haven't heard about this?"

"Well it is a rumor," his uncle stated. "And people wearing frivolous masks like this—" Zuko frowned, "—tend not to be taken seriously. Though they would be a very dangerous group if the rumors are true."

"Even if that's the case, what are they trying to tell us?" Suki asked, motioning towards the paper that was empty except for the elaborate drawing.

"Here." Zuko grabbed it from Aang's hand and dangled it over his other hand. With a sharp inhale, he produced a flame with his open palm and warmed the underside of the scroll. Gradually, spidery handwriting appeared across the page. With a tense voice, he read, "Fire Lord Zuko. It is a shame that our first contact has to be through such an informal method. But that aside, I believe I have someone who is of importance to you. Actually, two people. If you feel like being able to meet them again, alive of course, you will go two kilometers west of Ba Sing Se tomorrow at noon. Come _alone_. If you don't, well, need I write more?

Yours truly, The Spirit Brigade"

A grim atmosphere fell onto the teashop, despite the happy chatter occurring outside of the building.

"I wonder how they managed to italicize the brush strokes," Zuko mused aloud.

"At least we know that they haven't been whisked away by spirits, even if the group name is so, well, spirity. We can track down this group and find Katara and Sokka," Suki interjected practically.

The Avatar ground his teeth together, his fists balled so tightly that his knuckles grew white. There was a hint of blue light in his eyes. "Alone? There's no way you're going alone," Aang ordered, his face fierce from anger. "If they're holding Katara and Sokka, they can't just expect us to sit around doing nothing."

"They don't expect us to do nothing, and that's exactly why they're holding hostages," the earthbender stated. "But that doesn't mean we can't follow behind Zuko and back him up."

"She's right," Iroh addressed the group. "We have no information on this 'Spirit Brigade' at the moment, and the best thing we can do is find out more about the enemy and plan for any mishaps."

"You don't think they'll just want to sit down for some tea and have a nice chat?" Toph said wryly.

"If only Uncle's tea could facilitate world peace as well," replied the Fire Lord bitterly.

* * *

Dun, dun, dun.

Spirit of hartshorn is an alternate name for smelling salts.

The pinyin that Suki said pretty much means, That tea tastes terrible! What is that?

Winter Sonata and Hana Yori Dango are Korean and Japanese dramas, respectively.

Sokka and Katara will show up in the next chapter, and hopefully the former Ozai's angels in forthcoming ones.

Questions, comments, critiques, spare change? ;) Button's right there~


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